Ian Raybon figures that if Alicia Keys was a man, there would be a song apt enough to describe him because he is constantly on fire. Ian has tried to find a pig costume for Halloween, because his one true wish is to truly understand the bacon he takes so much time eating; turns out his hair works fine in that department as well. Ian’s life can generally be summed up by the song “In Da Club” by rapper 50 Cent, and he attributes his incredible intelligence to his mentor Mr. Higgins. He is not quite sure where he gets his incredible looks, but his parents get nervous every time he says the words “adopted” and “Michael Jackson’s son” in the same sentence. When Ian graduates, he expects a full ride scholarship to Cambridge where he will major in Thuganomics and minor in Womanizing.