Legends in the making
The 2016 Powderpuff tournament will begin this week and a whole new era of competition has risen
September 20, 2016
The 2016 Powderpuff tournament will be held on Thursday, Sept. 22. In the first round of play, the freshman (Class of 2020) will play last year’s champions, the seniors (Class of 2017). The sophomores (Class of 2019) will play the juniors (Class of 2018). The winners of each game will play in the championship. The tournament has changed venues this year because of renovation, so the games will be held in the indoor facility.
Below are team summaries/news, interviews with head coaches/star players, and analysts’ views and predictions of this year’s tournament.
Editor’s note: The reporting in this series is supposed to be humorous and has been blown out of proportion for purposes of entertainment.
The Red Ledger asked two experts in their field to study, contemplate, and then predict the 2016 Powderpuff champion. After months of tireless research on the most advanced sports networks, AP Language teacher Jasen Eairheart and animation teacher Ray Cooper have decided to release their predictions.
Class of 2017
With a roster that lists one future Lovejoy Powder Puff League (LPPL) Hall of Famer after another, you’d be hard pressed to find a weakness in the Class of 2017, who return this year with a championship story that ESPN has already picked up for their 30 for 30 series. From JoJo McRae, who spent the offseason training Dallas Cowboys’ running back Ezekiel Elliott, who looks to make LPPL history with an astounding 20,000 yard career, to Emily Weichel, who supposedly bribed the judge to suspend her quarterback coach Tom Brady so they could have more time to prepare for the LPPL season, analysts went to a Tibetan monastery to meditate on a possible way to contain the senior’s offense and still couldn’t come up with anything. There seems to be no question who will lift the LPPL trophy this Thursday.
Class of 2018
In terms of talent, analysts say the junior team could fill an 18-wheeler, but as the juniors return to the LPPL again without any wins and seemingly endless controversy, that 18-wheeler is filled with nothing but baggage. The junior team has all the tools it needs to be a winning team; a legendary coach that reportedly quit the NFL after a record breaking season because “it wasn’t enough of a challenge” and a running back that looks to be the second coming of JoJo McRae, but the juniors still play like a freshman PP team. Will the juniors hold strong this year or crumble like a Nature Valley granola bar? Only time will tell.
Class of 2019
Aside from Rookie of the Year, quarterback Lizzie Weichel, the janitors had quite the challenge last year picking up the trash of a team the sophomores were last year. With a new season on the horizon however, the Class of 2019 looks to be a challenging team this year. James Rainey takes the sticks of the team after a coaching office clearout last season and looks to follow in the footsteps of his older siblings, whose influence still flows through the LPPL (Lovejoy Powder Puff League). All eyes are on quarterback Lizzie Weichel, who supposedly convinced Peyton Manning to retire from the NFL in order to become her full-time quarterback coach. Whether or not she can lead the sophomores to the LPPL championship game is questionable, but this will be the Weichel vs. Weichel duel of the century.
Class of 2020
Our analysts laughed so hard when asked about the freshman team’s chance of beating the seniors that they now are all sporting chiseled six packs. With a roster full of unknowns, the freshman team’s sliver of hope lies in the man, the myth, the legend, wait that’s not Bumper. In our interview with Harper Pool, the head coach of the freshman team seemed to be cockier than Meek Mill when he called out Drake, but just like Mill, Harper seems to believes confidence will be enough to bring home the victory in the face of overwhelming odds. Is confidence truly key, or will the mercy rule come into effect in the first minute of the game?