Freshman head coach: Harper Pool

‘We won’t have pity points. We’re gonna win this thing.’


The Red Ledger: Since the creation of the Lovejoy Powder Puff League in 1738, freshmen are 0-427 in powderpuff history. Do you think you can break the “Curse of the Fishes?”

Harper Pool: It’s about time we changed things around here and we’re the ones to do it.

TRL: Who on your team do you think will put some points on the board?

HP: We have 3 girls offensively that I think will be a threat: Leah, our quarterback, Carsen and Megan, our two receivers, who carry a lot of the load. Hopefully they’ll lead us to a championship.

TRL: Head senior coach Blake Pfaff said he’s not worried about the first game at all. How are you gonna get them shaking in their boots?

HP: We’re gonna come out strong. We’re gonna go out there and start hard and get them nervous at the start of the game. Hopefully, that will lead them to make mistakes. We’re not worried about them either.

TRL: What do you plan to do to stop the speed demon herself, JoJo McRae, who some say helped Usain Bolt train for the Rio Games last summer?

HP: We’ve worked specifically to stop her. We have her cousin Leah to lock her down.

TRL: How will you deal with five star PP quarterback Emily Weichel, who currently has 20 of the top college PP coaches fighting to the death in a gladiator battle for her commitment?

HP: Who’s that? Sorry I haven’t heard of her.

TRL: Your team had a scrimmage planned but skipped it to go to the carnival. Then you had a second chance later in the week and decided to skip as well. Is that confidence or cockiness?

HP: Our motto is ego wins, you gotta be cocky to win. Plus, we don’t need to scrimmage. We’re not worried. We don’t wanna give up our game plan to the juniors.

TRL: There’s speculation that you’re taking a lot of Bumper’s ideas and taking them as your own. Comment?

HP: We’re not actually. We don’t know anything on the juniors. We’ve been doing our own thing since Day 1.

TRL: ESPN8: The Ocho has projected you guys to lose 67-2 with your only 2 points being pity spirit points. What are your thoughts on that?

HP: I really don’t believe that. We won’t have pity points. We’re gonna win this thing.

TRL: How do you plan to compete against teams that have actually hit puberty?

HP: *silence* Uh the older you get, the slower you get?