Four years ago, if someone would’ve told me that a pandemic was going to take over our everyday lives, I probably would’ve given you a judgmental blank stare. But here I am, writing a story about how a pandemic stood in the way of my senior prom. What are the odds, right? (Apparently, pretty high.)

I remember this one time during my freshman year after a senior asked me to prom. I was sitting at the dinner table with my family and was giddy, like a little girl excited. I think I had just given barbies away maybe two years before that, so for me, it was a princess ball; a fantasy. Not just a prom.

It’s kind of weird for me to be writing this column. I don’t think being a senior has truly set in completely. I mean yes, the classic “senioritis” has definitely kicked into high gear a couple times this year, but I have hit some pretty big milestones that just don’t feel real to me. I turned 18 and still feel the need to lie about my birthday when websites ask me how old I am. I got a job during the summer and am making my own money. I have my own appointments that I can sign myself into and also don’t need my mommy to sign papers for me. That stuff is scary. I still see videos sometimes about graduation coming up and get a little teary eyed. We are seniors this year, and it hurts my brain.

All of those seem so small in the grand scheme of things. Little parts of my routine that don’t stick out unless I become painfully aware of them. But prom wasn’t just another part of my, or really anyone’s, routines. At this point, it isn’t just a dance anymore. We got robbed of prom last year as juniors, and I know some people just went by themselves in their little groups and skipped the dance part. But this is our last year. We are missing our last prom. If you still feel like you don’t understand why this is such a bummer, let me invite you into my mind for a second.

If you look up what the purpose of a prom is on Google, it says something along the lines of “giving kids a chance to develop their social skills.” That might be true, but that was never what it was about for me. At least not this year. It’s a goodbye. It is the last time before graduation festivities that the majority of the grade is together in one place, where everyone is letting go. It is a farewell to high school and everything that comes with it. Adolescence and elective classes and you parents’ house and passing periods. It is the last place where everyone “fits in” before graduation. 

I think the reason I haven’t settled into the idea of being a senior is because we don’t have any senior experiences. Nothing to push us through that right-of-passage. It wasn’t just a dance. It wasn’t just a prom.