Column: Opportunity in the midst of singleness


Carter Bryant

Staff reporter Lily Hager believes that students should focus on themselves and their own betterment rather than worrying about having a significant other this Valentines Day.

Lily Hager, Staff Reporter

“Forever alone.”

The phrase hides in conversations and is found humorous on social media. It’s a joke, but deep down you’re not laughing. “Forever alone” pities singleness instead of cherishing in it.

I used to long for a boyfriend. Romantic evenings. Gushy love letters. Holding hands. It’s easy to think, “If only I had a sweetheart …” People long for a fantasy relationship, but it almost always leads to heartbreak. They don’t realize the reality is better in the long run, and when they deny the fantasy and get right with themselves first, the relationship is no longer a fleeting dream.

It’s human nature to desire others to be personally involved in your life, so much that your health depends on it. Your social environment manipulates your wellness, and when the bonds we have with society are threatened or cut off, we suffer. Effects are extreme when this happens to children or teens, as long-term health and education are jeopardized.

When you think you’re alone, your mind messes with your heart. Loneliness rips it and leaves a hole. But it’s OK–love hasn’t gone. Still, I know the feeling. It can be dangerous to seek a romantic relationship instead of seeking those who really love you first.

Dating in high school isn’t wrong or dirty, and having a romantic relationship isn’t sinful. Both being single or taken is a gift when treated responsibly. However, people, as singles, can take the opportunity to do great things that may be harder to do while having a significant other.

Being single is a wonderful time to strengthen relationships with family, friends, God, and yourself. Focus on grades, beliefs, family, and identity. Ask yourself if someone can compliment you without completing you.

It’s impossible for people to uphold all of their expectations, and when you fully depend on what you think someone else has to offer, it almost always leads to heartbreak. Take your singleness to become content with the blessings you have. Dating shouldn’t be an option if you’re looking for someone to solve your problems, but being single allows undistracted devotion to what won’t fail you. Walking into a relationship with a solid foundation is a great way to walk out improving instead of crying.

Knowing that doesn’t mean relationships should be avoided; it means you should be aware of what you expect from others. It only takes being hurt once to realize there’s no fish in the sea that will fulfill your every wish.

There’s a time for singleness for everyone, but there’s also a time for dating. Not only can singleness be a gift of opportunity, but in that time, you will be shaped and molded into who you need to be when the right person comes along. Dating someone for completion is a self-centered motive–move into a relationship ready to give what you have to offer. A healthy relationship requires mutual respect and effort for each person to benefit, but that’s hard to recognize.

Benefiting isn’t short term. Benefitting is coming out better than you went in. Benefitting is doing more good together than you two would do alone. Benefitting lasts a lifetime, even if the relationship doesn’t.

A relationship like this is truly a gem, and it may not come today, or even in the next few years. Each person is ready at their own time, and it’s their responsibility to trust and wait for it. Telling someone you’re not in the place to be dating is a respectable answer. Don’t settle for someone who has messy motives. Save your heart for a beautiful relationship. Don’t settle for someone who wasted singleness being “forever alone.”