Many people have witnessed their peers choose to pursue a long distance relationship, but often see them fail shortly after they begin. In fact, the average long distance relationship lasts for about 4.5 months, then a break up soon follows. Despite this statistic, senior Madison Kraft and senior Carter Ash from Orange County, California are the exception to this statistic.
“We have been dating on and off for about 5 years,” Kraft said.
Senior Carter Ash in Orange, CA is the other part of her “we”.
“When we were little I lived in Orange County, and we were next door neighbors when we were about 3 years old,” Kraft said. “Our parents were best friends, and they hung out all the time, so we can became best friends. But then I moved here, and I didn’t see him or talk to him for 10 years, and then I found him on Facebook in middle school.”
After finding Ash on Facebook, Kraft took the initiative to reconnect with her long lost childhood friend.
“Five years ago, I sent him a message on Facebook asking if he remembered me. And he was like ‘yes I have all these pictures of you around my house,’” Kraft said. “So we started talking, and it was like the day before Thanksgiving was when we decided we liked each other.”
With their declaration of their affection for her each other online, Kraft knew that pursuing this would not be easy.
“The fact that you have to have a relationship over technology can be really frustrating,” Kraft said. “But Skype has helped a lot. We Skype and FaceTime every night. But at the age of like 12 or 13 I knew it was crazy because at that point, I only got to see him every year or sometimes two.”
Before her relationship with Ash, Kraft didn’t like the idea of a long distance one.
“I thought they (long distance relationships) were kind of weird because having a relationship with someone so far away doesn’t always feel like an actual relationship,” Kraft said. “It’s because you can’t go on dates all the time, and you can’t go on walks and picnics, and just hang out and watch movies. You can’t do that, and so that’s why it feels like I have a relationship with my phone.”
Even though Ash and Kraft live 1400 miles apart, they have many more opportunities to see each other than one might think.
“We are actually very fortunate because we get to see each other almost once a month or two,” Kraft said. “I think that’s helped a lot because sometimes we say ‘only 20 more days until we see each other’ and that’s like nothing compared to the years we waited before.”
In addition to the frequent visits, trust has been as equally vital to the success of the relationship.
“Sometimes it gets so hard, and I will be asking ‘who are you with, or who are you hanging out with’,” Kraft said. “But I mean I am totally going to admit it; I stalk his Twitter all the time. Of course I trust him, but there’s always that fear of not knowing. But I know he wouldn’t hurt me like that. We are too invested, and too far along in this.”
Because relying on technology for the majority of communication can leave Kraft a little worried, she has found ways to deal with the anxiety of waiting for a message.
“I confide in my mom a little bit,” Kraft said. “Sometimes I will say to her ‘mom he is not texting me back’. But she always says ‘maybe he’s driving or maybe he’s doing something’. There was this time where he would text me back every 2 hours, and it bothered me. Then I would let him know that it did, and he said ‘oh I didn’t even realize I was doing that’. And of course that was the case. But I just tell myself that he is probably doing something, and that he is not ignoring you on purpose.
When the day comes for Kraft and Ash to finally meet up again, they keep alive some very special traditions.
“The last night we see each other, we always go to a dinner and a movie,” Kraft said. “But when I am in California to see him, there’s this really tall hill. On the top of the hill is a guardrail, and on the other side is a piece of wood nailed into the ground. And everytime I’m there, we go get coffee and sit up there, and you can see all of Orange County all the way out to Los Angeles. It is beautiful, and honestly is probably one of my favorite places in the whole world.”
Despite the remarkable effort to sustain the relationship, Kraft and Ash, much like many couples, can’t avoid some jealousy.
“It has been something that I have definitely had to deal with. I’m not necessarily jealous of his friends that are girls, but I’m just jealous of anyone who gets to hang out with him,” Kraft said. “Of course I don’t get mad at him, but it’s just not fair that all these people get to hang out with him and I don’t. And sometimes that can get really frustrating. But I know I need to remember that he is allowed to have friends, and he needs time to himself. Usually when I come to that conclusion, it doesn’t feel that bad anymore.”
Kraft and Ash are similar to other couples in that they share the common obstacle of overcoming jealousy. However their biggest struggle is what differentiates them from all other relationships: they just both want to be with each other all the time.
“It’s hard when I am doing something really fun, and then I stop and say to myself ‘man I wish Madison could be here to do this or experience this with me’,” Ash said.
Through trials and tribulations of this long distance relationship, Kraft believes that the rewards outweigh the struggles.
“The most rewarding part of all of this is just being able to see each other after waiting so long: that moment when we pick each other up from the airport and you’re just so happy to see them,” Kraft said. “Also, he is moving down here for college, and that’s another reward. Waiting all this time was for something, and it wasn’t just us waiting and wondering where will this end.”
Because of this experience, Kraft has learned some lessons that will stick with her for the rest of her life.
“He is allowed to be his own person,” Kraft said. “He is allowed to have a life, and go do stuff when I am not there. And I know that sounds weird, but many times when you date someone, sometimes your whole life becomes them. You just want to do everything with them, and experience everything with them. Being in this long distance relationship made me realize that he can’t do everything with me. But that is good for him though, because it is important for him to be able to be on his own, and the same goes for me.”
When the time arrives to make the decision to whether or not pursue a long distance relationship, Ash has some advice.
“Communication and speaking your completely honest feelings is the most important thing to keeping a relationship running smoothly,” Ash said. “Don’t fight over the little things, but only for the things that really matter, and love knows no distance. If it’s love, it will work out.”
