Editor’s note: The Carson Chronicles is meant to be humorous. Please don’t follow ANY of these tips. Seriously. None of them. Especially the body odor one. Please. Good luck on your exams.

AP testing is a drag. Your entire school year is finally summed up in a brief four hour test, sitting in a chilly room with about 100 other kids who are just as unprepared as you are. AP tests can be daunting, but luckily I have some ideas that could brighten up the testing experience and possibly get you out of some trouble if you realize you are doing bad.

Whenever I am taking a test I always get excited when the answers on my scantron go A,B,C,D and goes in a nice aesthetically pleasing diagonal line. So when it comes to the point in the test where you have four minutes left but 20 questions still left to do, rather than “C your way out,” make a cool pattern or go A, B, C, D, C, B, A. Now, not only might you get a few questions right from guessing, but it will also be cool to look at. Maybe the computers that grade the scantron will give you some extra points for creativity.

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A cool trick you can do that any AP testing center will let you do is bring a ton of rubber bands.

You may be thinking, “What could I do with a bunch of rubber bands? That seems like it wouldn’t help me at all.” And you are completely right.

If you look at your test and realize that you didn’t learn anything because you spent half of the class watching Gossip Girl in the back of class, you can do two things with the rubber bands. One, you could shoot them at other test takers to spread your misery to others, because why should you be the only one to suffer. Two, if you have enough rubber bands, you can put a lot of them around your arm to the point where you lose blood circulation and pass out, congratulations!

Now you don’t have to take the test, and you might buy some of your other classmates some more studying time. Congrats, you’re also a hometown hero.

One final approach: Don’t shower in the days before the test. No bathing, no deodorant, nothing. Let your body stench reach the point where you smell like a back alley dumpster that has been long forgotten like the Blockbuster it once held trash for.

You may lose a few friends or become ill because of your lack of hygeine, but when it comes down to getting out of an AP test, anything goes. Your stench will build up so much that the AP testers may think that something has died in the testing center, forcing them to evacuate the entire area. Of course you could also just not show up for the test, but where is the fun in that?

These are just a few handy dandy tips and tricks to help get you through the grueling AP schedule. Whether it be making patterns, using rubber bands to your advantage, or taking your bodily stench into a new low, these tips can lead you through the next two weeks.