One year ago, a sudden movement at the football game would send me singing into a chorus of arrhythmic bell sounds, ribbon rustles, and feather tangles. I sounded cooler than, like, 5SOS’s new album.

But today, I hang silent and alone in the back of my owner’s dark closet.

I’m not sure what I did wrong. I do know that I weigh about 50 pounds, and I consequently have picked up some issues with my weight this year. I think if I wasn’t so heavy, I might be worn again. Surely the smaller, lesser version of me who is called a “garter” still gets worn, because he weighs like, nothing, even though he isn’t as pretty as me. Life’s not fair.

Pieced together from silk ribbons, plastic football trinkets, bows, feathers, tiny cowbells, paw print stickers, and light-up teddy bears imported from the finest Chinese factories, my $350-worth magnificence was one to be awed at by all of the high school girls. I was simply like, the best.

I remember last year’s homecoming super well, because it was like the best day of my whole entire life. The wonderful Friday started off with a photo shoot (everyone wanted a picture of me, I even got featured on this thing called Snapchat).

But then I met my evil counterpart, the garter who probably still gets to be worn. I didn’t trust him from the moment I saw his cheap bells and tiny ribbons. But, since I got to take even more pictures with him, I was OK with it.

Then my owner and I went to the pep rally. I was the star. Everyone looked at me and was totally jealous. The amazing day ended with the football game, which was like so super. (Hello, football players!)

My owner and I went home, and she carefully tied my upper ribbons around a coat hanger. Naive, and totally stupid, I went into her closet without a fight.

I regret that moment with such a passion, that sometimes when I think about it my bells tinkle in anger. But I’ve lived through this year, so like I can definitely get through way more. And now I have a message and a purpose: to warn other mums and make sure that they cherish their one day before the ultimate doom of the dark, scary closet.