I believe that humanity is corrupt, that everyone is motivated purely by self-interest, and that there is not one totally good person who has ever lived.

Does this mean I hate you personally or think you are intrinsically evil? Probably not. The beauty of condemning all humanity is that it creates a level playing field. Sure, you did something greedy that one time, but so did everyone else.

I am one of the most pessimistic people I know. I prefer to think of it as being realistic, but truthfully, I am just inclined to see the bad side of a situation. This can be a little depressing, but the way I see it, I’m either always right or pleasantly surprised.

Life is pointless, okay? There is simply no way to deny that. Sure, yeah, inspire others and perpetuate the human race and do what makes you happy, but in the end, you are, without a doubt, going to end up a pile of dust. That barely even counts as pessimism, that’s just plain fact. You are a person and that comes with some unpleasant but unavoidable terms and conditions.

One of these is that you are going to die in a relatively negligible amount of time. Another is that you will always, invariably, be selfish and do what you want to do.

“But I hate school, and here I am anyway!” you may argue. Guess what? You want to be here. Maybe you do hate it, but your brain has weighed the pros (i.e., not getting arrested/kicked out of the house, being able to go to college and start a career) against the cons (i.e., the system of unmerited gratification coupled with unwanted human interaction is taking a severe toll on your mental and emotional state) and the pros won. If the cons had won, you would be living under Highway 75 and living off of dead pigeon meat.

People do what is best for themselves by instinct. This instinct is hardwired and completely unavoidable.

So don’t tell me that you’re donating to the homeless out of pure, unadulterated love for others. Don’t tell me that you’re volunteering at a soup kitchen because you are the one true messiah who is unaffected by greed. People do these things, and that’s awesome, but we have to stop denying that it’s not at least a little bit out of vanity.

Maybe you’re doing it for a tax break, or for image, or even just because it gives you the warm fuzzies inside. That is a-ok. You’re still helping people, you just don’t have a right to get all high and mighty about it because, ultimately, you are doing it for you. That’s what humans are built to do- protect themselves and make themselves feel good until they inevitably die.

I think we need to accept this. I think that once we understand that everyone- yes, even that sweet little old lady you saw putting a twenty in the donation box at Kroger- is a little bit messy and a little bit bad and a little bit mean, we can move on. You don’t have to feel bad about yourself because you don’t always go out of your way to help other people. Sometimes, you just gotta do you.

And yeah, I think we should try to help other people because sometimes other people need you more than you need yourself. The good news is, most people have at least some semblance of morality and will therefore be rewarded with self-satisfaction and pride.

I’m not saying you should be ashamed of yourself because, as a human, you were born to be selfish. I’m saying you shouldn’t feel bad about being selfish. You should realize that everyone is just as selfish as you are and consciously make an effort to use that selfishness for good.

The phrase, “The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem,” may be cliché, but it’s cliché for a reason.