As a born and raised Christian, one problem I have with the vast majority of Christian based films is that they’re more interested in selling you a message than actually telling a good story. Elements like well developed characters never come to fruition because they’re too busy trying to get across how delightful their faith is. It just gives the whole experience an uneasy feel that never goes away, and Son of God is the perfect example of a film as cynical as it is supposedly religious.

Jesus (Diego Morgodo) has always had special gifts that separate him from the rest of humanity. Those gifts, including the ability to make the blind see and the nifty trick of walking on water, make him a savior to many, but several find his declarations of being the son of god to be hearsay. And thus, the age old story of Jesus’ crucifixion plays out, and if you’ve been anywhere near a Church in the past 2014 years, you know what goes down.

Remember that cynical feeling I mentioned that pervades the whole film? Well it mainly derives from the fact that the movie is comprised of several episodes of the The Bible miniseries that aired last year. I never saw it, but the movies shoddy visuals alone would be a dead giveaway of this cheap marketing ploy. Not helping matters is the fact that the first five minutes or so are made up of almost a preview for that Bible miniseries, with various other Bible adventure being given a brief glimpse that just leaves a sour taste in your mouth.

But look, maybe there’s at least something of value mixed in here right? Ah, no, not at all. The acting, made up of primarily unknown actors, is pitiful, with Morgodo in the title role never giving any personality to the legendary Christian figure. More offensive than any of that bad acting though is the movies continuous ability to spout some of the scriptures more famous messages (“Turn the other cheek” being a prime example) with all the aplomb of a Queen cover band; yes, all those famous songs are sung, but they don’t have the resonance or power behind them like the original ones.

By the time the overly bloody crucifixion arrives (seriously, how is this whole gory scene appropriate for a PG-13 rating but The Kings Speech isn’t? I smell a MPAA bias…), any potential the film could have had has long since disintegrated like Lot’s wife. The main problem in these “poignant” scenes is that the characters come across as stereotypical personalities. Even Jesus, our main guy, comes across as snide and arrogant. Thankfully, when the finale finally comes, to the tune of a nice Cee-Lo Green rendition of Mary, Did You Know, it feels like one of Jesus’ miracles has occured. While there’s definitely room for a good Christian film that actually has something interesting to say, Son of God certainly is not.