Everyone shows love in their own unique way, but something many people don’t know is that there are actually 5 specific “Love Languages” and everyone is fluent in at least one.

I first learned about Love Languages from my Mom, who would explain to me that the reason I was put in time-out more than my brother and sister, was because a time-out meant more to me than it would to them. This is because, she explained, I speak Quality Time.

I don’t recall exactly how it came up, but on a long bus rides, some of the Senior Majestics and I all ended up taking the Love Language Test, and then made the rest of the team take it as well. It was definitely accurate, and we learned a lot about why we all react so differently to different things.

The test is 30 questions, with two scenarios paired with each other, each one describing a different language. You must then choose which scenario is preferable to you, with your final score showing how often you picked each language. My friends scored mostly Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation and Quality Time, and we spent several minutes laughing about how accurate they were, and reflecting on “Oh so that’s why…”

As my friends and I have learned, speaking in each other’s love language can be difficult, but actually helps to make each other feel appreciated. Each language has it’s do’s and don’ts, but they’re things that everyone can watch for to make sure nothing gets lost in translation.

Quality Time:

Those of us whose first language is Quality Time appreciate nothing more than hours of doing nothing more than talking and laughing with our friends.

DO: Spend time with them, and actually listen when they talk. Remembering the small things they’ve told you will tickle their fancies, and sharing your own thoughts and feelings will make them feel like you’re invested in their friendship.

DON’T: Ignore them. From personal experience, when people ignore my questions or have a hard time following through with plans, it can make us Quality Time-ers feel like our presence is a nuisance, and we’ll eventually stop putting in the effort to show you how much we care in the ways we know how.

Words of Affirmation:

This is a very common love language, because everyone loves to be told how much they’re appreciated and verbally acknowledged from time to time, and it’s to those who speak this language that words can sometimes speak louder than actions.

DO: Tell them exactly how you feel. A handwritten note, long or short, will be something they’ll cherish for much longer than you probably think they will when you’re writing it, and will be something they prize far above any other gift. Tell them when you notice something they’ve been doing well, because nothing is as rewarding for them as a “good job.”

DON’T: Criticize or put them down. Of course you can’t always be 100 percent on guard with your words, but keep in mind that a harmless joke could be something they will obsess over at night before they fall asleep. Simple digs or insults that could carry little to no weight will cut them immediately and bring their mood down drastically.

Acts of Service:

Sitting down and going over a homework problem, or even cleaning their room while they’re gone, speaks volumes to those who love in Acts of Service.

DO: Say “let me do that for you,” and do things for them out of desire, and not obligation. Putting them over what you want to be doing is seen as the ultimate show of affection for these people, and they will appreciate your time and efforts more than any of your other friends.

DON’T: Be lazy with something they’ve asked you to do, or break commitments. Giving a half hearted effort only tells these people that they don’t matter as much to you as whatever you’d rather be doing, even if that is far from the truth.

Receiving Gifts:
Yes, birthday gifts are something everyone enjoys, but to those who identify with the Receiving Gifts language, random small trinkets and gifts for small occasions or for no reason show them that they’ve been on your mind.

DO: Well, the only thing to say here really is to give them gifts. It doesn’t have to be some extravagant thing, just so much as dropping their favorite candy bar off at their house when you know they’ve had a rough day will show them how much you care.

DON’T: Forget their birthday, or give them something that obviously was lackluster, as these seemingly innocent mistakes could hurt them much more than you anticipate.

Physical Touch:

If you have a friend that constantly greets you with a hug, or sits right up next to you every time you’re together, they’re probably a Physical Touch person.

DO: Hug them, and frequently (although not too much because that can get a little creepy.) Also, grabbing their arm or patting their shoulder as a passing greeting will give these people the warm fuzzies. Physical contact makes them feel connected to you, and is the ultimate show of affection.

DON’T: Neglect them by means of physical touch; if you can’t remember the last time you and your Physical Touch friend shared a bear hug, they’re probably feeling a bit unloved.

I’ve made a conscious effort to try to speak to my friends in their love languages, especially for those who feel loved in ways that don’t come naturally to me. Physical Touch, for instance, is something that I just don’t think about, because I personally am not very fond of hugs and such, but I have friends who love to be cuddled while they tell me about something that’s been bothering them. In another light, I’ve tried to watch what I say around Words of Affirmation people, because I know that what may seem harmless to me, will hurt them, which is of course the last thing I want.