There are so many things that can be wrong with a person. Too fat, too skinny, too tall, too short, too smart, too stupid, too ugly, too pretty, too weird, too fake.

Some of these are labels we give ourselves, things we want to avoid. Some are given to us by others. Everyone’s guilty of it–seeing someone and immediately making a judgment about them, deciding on the spot how you feel. Sometimes you’re right and usually you’re not and most of the time you don’t care enough to find out.

So maybe you don’t smile very much. Maybe you like people, you’re just shy and self-conscious and you don’t know how to start conversations without feeling like an idiot. So maybe people start thinking you hate them. People start thinking you’re depressed. And when you hear about it, you’re confused. You didn’t think you hated them, or that you were depressed. But why would so many people say something if there wasn’t some truth in it?

That’s when you stop trusting people. It’s so easy to believe that everyone can be decent to each other, until it’s not. It only gets worse from there. You start seeing the bad in everyone, and you hate yourself for it because now you’re judging them back.

You find out that it’s almost easier that way, that you get vindictive satisfaction out of driving everyone away and not even worrying about social interaction. At least now you have a concrete reason for not having very many friends. A few years later, you find out that you have social anxiety. That you’re on the verge of clinical depression.

And that’s wrong too, just something else you have to hide. Kids in high school aren’t supposed to be messed up. We’re supposed to get good grades, go to dances, start cute relationships, throw parties, be happy. Maybe it’s a stereotype perpetuated by the media. Sure, there are “awkward” girls and “nerdy” guys in movies, but nine times out of ten the ending involves them taking off their glasses and the audience realizing that they’re beautiful. The only way to find a happy ending is to change yourself so much that people don’t remember how screwed up you used to be.

No matter how much makeup you wear, if you have social anxiety, it’s going to be terrifying. You could look like Beyoncé and you’d still be overwhelmed with fear by the thought of going out in public. Couple that with depression of any kind, and you’re never going to make it in high school.

Because the whole point here is to put in the effort. To get good grades, be great at sports or music or art, have school spirit, do community service, get a job, make tons of friends.

Depression takes away your will to do anything. It makes getting out of bed the most exhausting thing in the world. You barely have the energy to try to plaster on the smile anymore, much less think about having the “high school experience.” You honestly can’t make yourself care.

Because sometimes you wonder if you’ll even make it until the end of senior year. And if you don’t, what would the point be? So what if your grades drop? So what if there are days when you go to bed having talked to less than five people since you woke up? So what if you don’t put in any effort? Then people will lower their expectations and you don’t have to worry about disappointing them, too. You’ve already let down everyone else in your life.

Nobody likes admitting weakness. Everybody has their insecurities. No one suffers in the same way as anyone else. But everyone suffers.

So why do we all insist on pretending that we don’t?