Here’s a lesson I learned today: if you wanna make sure your movie gets nominated for Best Makeup, just make sure you make  that makeup as racist as possible. I mean, how else to explain The Lone Ranger getting into that category?

As usual, the Academy Awards dropped a couple of bombshells on us in the form of nominations that I never could have seen coming. The Best Picture race turned out pretty much like I expected, except for INSIDE LLEWYN DAVIS DIDN’T MAKE IT WHATISLIFE; sorry, went all Tumblr on you guys for a second, but honestly, how did films like Philomena and Nebraska (perfectly fine films, just not Best Picture quality) get in over Inside Llewyn Davis, or even superior films like The Secret Life of Walter Mitty or Before Midnight? Crazy stuff, but I guess I’m gonna have to live in a world where Judi Dench’s shenanigans in Washington have more value than the Coen Brothers newest masterpiece.

Meanwhile, in the world of acting categories, Jonah Hill made it into Best Supporting Actor after all for The Wolf of Wall Street, while American Hustle got into all four acting categories, only the second time this century a film has gotten nominated in every acting category (the other movie is another David O. Russell film, Silver Linings Playbook). Meanwhile, that wretched Despicable Me 2 somehow made it in over Monsters University, which is worthy of some kind of epic riot, while somehow some CGI buffalo in The Lone Ranger were more worthy of Best Visual Effects recognition than the monumental creatures seen in Pacific Rim.

And really? No love for Inside Llewyn Davis in the screenplay categories? Man, this Oscar race really is topsy-turvy. Anywho, here is a partial list of Oscar nominees. I’ll be back to regularly cover the Oscars on a weekly basis and see who could win eventually.

Best Picture:

* Gravity

* Philomena

* Nebraska

* American Hustle

* Her

* The Wolf of Wall Street

* Captain Phillips

* 12 Years A Slave

* Dallas Buyers Club

Best Director:

* Alexander Payne (Nebraska)

* Steve McQueen (12 Years A Slave)

* Alfonso Cuaron (Gravity)

* David O. Russell (American Hustle)

* Martin Scorsese (The Wolf of Wall Street)

Best Actor:

Christian Bale (American Hustle)

Bruce Dern (Nebraska)

Matthew McConaughey (Dallas Buyers Club)

Chiwetel Ejiofor (12 Years A Slave)

Leonardo DiCaprio (The Wolf of Wall Street)

Best Actress:

Amy Adams (American Hustle)

Judi Dench (Philomena)

Cate Blanchett (Blue Jasmine)

Meryl Streep (August: Osage County)

Sandra Bullock (Gravity)

Best Supporting Actor:

Jonah Hill (The Wolf of Wall Street)

Bradley Cooper (American Hustle)

Barkhad Abdi (Captain Phillips)

Jared Leto (Dallas Buyers Club)

Michael Fassbender (12 Years A Slave)

Best Supporting Actress:

Julia Roberts (August: Osage County)

Sally Hawkins (Blue Jasmine)

Lupita Nyong’o (12 Years A Slave)

June Squibb (Nebraska)

Jennifer Lawrence (American Hustle)

Best Animated Feature:

Despicable Me 2

The Croods

Ernest And Celestine

Frozen

The Wind Rises