There are very few moments when a human being feels like it has finally found its purpose for existing. So it was when I first discovered “Chinese Food”, the newest music sensation from the delightful folks who brought you Rebecca Black’s musical brilliance “Friday”. They have, perhaps, crafted the finest song made by a living creature in this known universe. To celebrate such an occasion, I decided to break down every moment of this beloved song and analyze all the subtext the tune contains.

As we begin, a girl notes her extreme hunger, and then, in a movement that displays a rebellious streak not seen in most mainstream media, knocks down a wastebasket in a fit of starvation induced fury. But before her Hulk-esque rampage can continue, she discovers a Chinese Food eatery. As she moves her singing into the Chinese Food establishment, which seems to employ child labor, she sings the praises (literally!) of all the food the place serves. Her lyrics, which recall The Rolling Stones and Nirvana at their very best, harmonize her obsession with fried rice and Chow Mo-mo-mo-mein.

The music video accompanying this song is mundane, but still a grand showcase for the musical brilliance unfolding, up to this point. But the moment she begins to sing about fortune cookies, both the song and the music video enter a new level of amazing. While noting how her fortune cookie tells her future, the singer opens up her fortune cookie to reveal the fascinating phrase “ You Will Find A New Friend” In a camera trick recalling the best of Stanley Kubrick, the camera pans over to another table containing panda. His fortune reads “You Will Find A New Friend Too”

Suddenly, the singer and the panda are skipping through a field as the music continues. The hills are alive with the sound of a panda romping through the grass with his newfound amigo. It’s truly a sight to behold and takes any viewer by immediate surprise. Mere words cannot describe how thought-provoking the scene itself is, as it clearly depicts the question “If a panda and singer of great music can get along, can’t we all find peace”.  The duo certainly find peace as they (along with some of the singers friends) play Monopoly, as yet another twist is revealed; the panda is a man in a costume. As he raps about how chinese food takes away his stress, his rapping provides a stunning juxtaposition to the main vocals of the song, showing just how talented both singers are.

After a montage depicting the panda playing drums and doing a dance, we now come to the final scene in this music video, which is destined to join “Bohemian Rhapsody” and “Thriller” as great advancements in this cinematic medium, depicts the panda having to leave the singer for some unknown reason. As he tosses her a final fortune cookie, he departs in the most cliche and predictable way, by flying away through the power of a rainbow. As a fortune cookie summarizes the action we have just seen with the phrase “The panda will fly away on a rainbow” we are left to consider what kind of musical genius we have just witnessed and whether or not our species can ever top such wonderous perfection.