You are walking down the halls, getting from Spanish to whatever. You may be alone, you may be chatting with a friend. Then, all of a sudden, you see, coming the opposite direction, your best friend Susie, and you just need to tell her about the new gossip about Cathy and Stevie Who-Cares. Or maybe you see Dave, and you need to ask him if he’s pre-ordered Modern Warfare 3. In either case, you two meet, and then you stop to catch up on the news that has happened since the last time you talked. You know, less than an hour ago. Next time you do this, turn around. Because, odds are, there is someone behind you who, thanks to you stopping, is now forced to dance around you in the most awkward tango any human being can perform. And I’d be willing to bet, if you look into their eyes, you will see the flames of a hatred so all-consuming that the only word capable of describing it is fourteen syllables long and Latin.
Comedians used to joke about that awkward moment when you and another person are in each other’s way, so you both sidestep, but you sidestep the same direction, but that’s old news. Now, every student has to contend with hordes of people in front of the Commons, or the Library. This group is like a herd of wildebeests: unmovable, uncaring, and un-getting out of my way. These people just stand there, not realizing that this is a hallway, as in, hall-way for me to get to my class without being slowed down by your existence.
But Handsome Guest Columnist, you say, the Commons isn’t technically a hall-
    Yeah, I know. Point is, trying to get around your friends is the second most irritating part of my day, behind being reminded that you can’t punch the stupid out of someone.
But Mysterious and Strangely Mystifying Stranger, you continue, talking to your computer like a crazy person, you can get around my group of friends just fine! We’re just four(ish) people!
    Yeah, you’re right, you are just four people. Combined with four other people, with four other people, with four other people, until you form one gelatinous mass of pure irritating. So I’d like to propose a movement to the students of Lovejoy: the The-Quickest-Way-Between-Two-Points-Is-A-Straight-Line Movement (or, if you need an easy-to-remember acronym, TQWBTPIASL). These people are standing where people are supposed to walk, so continue to walk there, directly in the middle of their conversation. You are doing a service not only for Lovejoy, but for all of America (probably).